Heart and Soul Read online

  Heart and Soul

  Liza Gyllenhaal

  Copyright

  Diversion Books

  A Division of Diversion Publishing Corp.

  443 Park Avenue South, Suite 1004

  New York, NY 10016

  www.DiversionBooks.com

  Copyright © 1994 by Liza Gyllenhaal

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  For more information, email [email protected]

  First Diversion Books edition February 2014

  ISBN: 978-1-62681-251-2

  For W.E.B.,

  heart and soul.

  One

  “Hello?!” Some sort of bell had been tolling through Cassie’s dream, and it had taken five long rings for her to realize hazily that it was the telephone.

  “Cassie? Is that you?”

  “Miranda…” Cassie sat up in bed and fumbled for the light on her night table. “What’s going on … what’s wrong?” There was something in her older half sister’s voice—a hesitancy, an undercurrent of panic—that Cassie had never heard before.

  “Did I wake you up?” Miranda asked. “What time do you go to bed down there in hicksville, anyway? It’s not even midnight in New York.” Whatever odd note Cassie had heard in Miranda’s tone was gone now, replaced by the seductive contralto familiar to millions of American television viewers. Strong and clear, yet somehow intimate, it was a voice that inspired confidences. People told their darkest secrets to Miranda Darin in front of blinding lights and prying cameras. Tell me, the voice would urge. Trust me, the beautiful smile promised. And in the next instant, the most terrible truths would tumble out, destroying careers, shattering reputations. And yet, there was something so alluring about Miranda Darin that her top-rated Breaking News show never had to search far for the next willing confessor. On that Wednesday evening in March when Miranda called her half sister Cassie, the show had more than thirty stories in various stages of production, enough to keep them going through the rest of the year.

  “I know you find this hard to believe,” Cassie said with a sigh that expressed her annoyance, “but Raleigh, North Carolina, is still in the same time zone as New York, New York. As well as being in the same century, may I add.” Cassie added importantly, “I was out on assignment most of last night, I’m exhausted.”

  “It’s been so nuts here, I’m just glad I had a chance to connect with you,” Miranda said. As usual, Miranda ignored Cassie’s attempt to establish her own worth and importance. Although even Cassie had to admit that “the assignment” she had referred to was nothing more glamorous than covering a four-alarm blaze at a warehouse on the outskirts of Raleigh, it was still a story. And though it didn’t even get a mention outside the Raleigh News and Observer’s tri-city area, her piece had run on the front page of her own paper that morning. Leave it to Miranda, Cassie thought, to deflate Cassie’s first real success since she had started as a staffer on the paper three years before.

  “Well, now we’re connected,” Cassie replied. They hadn’t spoken since that past Christmas, and even then their usual ten-minute phone conversation was cut short by a temper tantrum from Miranda’s spoiled seven-year-old daughter Heather. A daughter who, like Miranda’s self-made millionaire husband, always seemed too busy and important for Cassie to actually meet. She rarely admitted the truth to herself, let alone to the friends and colleagues who envied her relationship to the world-famous Miranda Darin, but she hardly knew her older sibling anymore. Still, Cassie told herself as she shook off the bed sheets and swung her feet to the floor, she knew her well enough to sense that despite what she said, something definitely was wrong … it buzzed, like a bad connection, just behind Miranda’s words. In a less forced tone, Cassie asked, “How’s everyone? Jason? Heather?”

  “Just great,” Miranda said. “Frantically busy as always, but we’re all fine.”

  “Good,” Cassie said, trying to imagine what her sister could possibly want from her. In the last four years, since the plane crash that killed their mother and Cassie’s father, the half sisters’ relationship had slowly unraveled. The change had actually started years before that terrible morning when they had stood together beside their mother’s grave and realized that they had already drifted too far apart to offer each other any real comfort.

  “We were hoping you could come visit us this weekend,” Miranda said now, “for Easter.”

  “What?” Cassie replied. “Me?”

  “Yes, you and whomever you might want to bring,” Miranda breezed on as Cassie listened incredulously. “You’re still seeing that handsome young intern or something? What’s his name, Cliff? No … Carl?”

  “Kenneth,” Cassie managed to say. “Kenneth Stimpson, and he’s already invited me to his parents’ place for the weekend. Sorry. You should have phoned sooner.” Imagine, Cassie told herself furiously, being called up at the last minute like this and being expected to drop everything and come! They probably had a house guest who had canceled out unexpectedly, and now they needed her to complete their table setting or something.

  “But you’ve got to come,” Miranda replied. “Bring this Kenneth, I don’t care. You must come.”

  “Why? What’s so important?” Cassie asked, longing to add: after four years.

  “We’re … having a big party. Saturday night. Black tie. Some very important people will be there, Cassie. Dan Rather, network big shots. It could do your career a lot of good.”

  “Since when have you given a damn about my career?” Cassie demanded, unable to restrain herself. The nerve of Miranda! Proudly, Cassie had sent Miranda clippings of her stories from her first reporting slot at a small newspaper in West Virginia. There had been no reply. No note. No nothing. From conversation to conversation, Miranda could barely remember the name of the paper Cassie worked for now. And yet, if truth be known, Cassie had not yet missed one of Miranda’s Thursday night Breaking News broadcasts in the four years it had been on the air.

  “I’m sorry,” Miranda said. “You’re right to be upset. I’ve not been … I’m not a terrific sister. I know that.” There was a long silence on the other end of the phone; Cassie could hear the sound of her own breathing, fast huffs of anger. Miranda cleared her throat and continued, “Did it occur to you, Cassie, that I might be hoping to make up for lost time here? That what I’m trying to say in inviting you up for the weekend is … let’s try to be friends … and sisters again?”

  She spoke in a voice that made a person long to confide, that urged one to relax, to float along, to say yes. And even though Cassie had a good many reasons to fight against the temptation … she had one overwhelming reason to give in. Sadly, it wasn’t that she believed for one instant what Miranda claimed: she wasn’t hoping to start now a relationship she’d rejected for nearly thirty years. Miranda didn’t care about being Cassie’s sister … or her friend. For some reason that Cassie didn’t yet understand, but could clearly divine in Miranda’s sudden invitation, her older sister needed her. And that, more than any pretended outpouring of affection, moved Cassie after a moment of hesitation to say: “Well, then, of course, Miranda. How in the world can I refuse?”

  After Cassie had put down the receiver, she leaned a little farther across the night table to pick up a silver-framed photograph. She held it lovingly as she looked down at the four faces that smiled back. The picture had been taken five years before. It was the day of Cassie’s graduation f
rom Chapel Hill, and the thin black nylon robe had whipped around Cassie’s lean frame like a flag against a pole. She squinted into the sun, her pale face and blond hair bleached out by the bright sunlight. Her mother stood beside her, her arm proudly circling Cassie’s waist. Cassie’s father was on the other side, his eyes shadowed by his strong intelligent brow. A foot to the left of Ted and a little apart, as always, stood Miranda.

  If you looked closely you could see a certain resemblance between Cassie and Miranda; the same slightly quizzical tilt to the right eyebrow, a similar gentle groove at the chin, almost identically fine straight hair, though Miranda’s, as everyone knew, was shockingly blond—that rare, platinum strain once favored by movie stars—and Cassie’s was a far more common strawberry variety. Both half sisters were tall, lean, and fit. Cassie had the kind of straightforward good looks most people called “healthy”: glowing cheeks, strong white teeth, a clear-eyed hazel gaze. In Miranda, however, those same features, through some alchemy of fate and genetic structure, had been rearranged into sheer beauty.

  It was a fact with which Cassie, ten years Miranda’s junior and a lifetime in her shadow, had long since come to terms.

  “Beauty isn’t anything you earn,” Miranda and Cassie’s mother had frequently reminded the girls. A dedicated social worker and die-hard liberal, Dorothy Hartley had never seemed particularly proud of her older daughter’s stunning good looks. Perhaps they reminded her a bit too vividly of her first husband, Miranda’s father, a suavely handsome insurance salesman who went out for a pack of cigarettes two months after Miranda’s birth … and never came back. It took seven long years before Dorothy found her true love match in Ted Hartley, a civil rights lawyer whom she met on Martin Luther King Jr.’s long Freedom March. With pretty little Miranda in tow, Dorothy and Ted had fallen in love along the dusty roadside leading into Birmingham. Theirs was a passion that only intensified over the years as they committed their lives to helping the poor and underprivileged.

  Throughout her childhood in Raleigh, Cassie felt nothing but undiluted love and confidence from her parents. It helped, of course, that they were both so fair-minded and openhearted. It helped that they were so devoted to the ideal that all people are created equal—despite color, race, sex … and physical attributes. It helped, but nothing could ever make up for the hurt when people would stop the family on the sidewalk or in the supermarket to exclaim: “What a stunning girl!” Meaning, of course, Miranda.

  How often as she was growing up did Cassie silently whisper to herself that beauty wasn’t earned? It became her mantra. But as the years went on, and beautiful Miranda also proved herself to be brilliant and hardworking Miranda … the weight of her older sister’s success became harder to bear. What a relief it was for Cassie when Miranda went off to Columbia University in New York, with a full scholarship, of course. And further relief when Miranda became so caught up in college and the big city that she only managed to get home briefly for long weekends. By then she was already something of a stranger in the busy, always slightly messy Hartley household. With each visit Miranda seemed more glamorous and distant … and Cassie felt more tongue-tied and inadequate. But Miranda, her sights set on something far beyond Raleigh and the feelings of her young half sister, barely seemed to notice Cassie’s awestruck shyness.

  “Well, I’m off to a party with Rick Thompson,” Miranda had announced during the Christmas break of her first year of grad school at the Columbia School of Journalism. She stood in the dining-room doorway, a green crushed-velvet dress inching halfway up her long, perfectly shaped thighs … the sheath of blond hair falling halfway down her back. No wonder every single one of Miranda’s many former high school boyfriends—some of them already married with children—dropped by the house to see her whenever she came home. Like moths mesmerized by a flame, Cassie told herself as she enviously watched her older sister slip into a new suede jacket, these ever-hopeful boys would stand in line to be burned again and again by Miranda’s careless affection. A freshman in high school that year, tall, skinny Cassie had managed to receive some tepid interest from a couple of boys in her class, but she already knew she would never inspire the passionate idolatry that seemed Miranda’s birthright.

  “Rick Thompson?” Dorothy asked, putting down her coffee cup. “Isn’t he engaged to Sheila Brandish? And besides, your father and I were hoping you’d come with us to Cassie’s sing. She has a solo part this year.” It was just a small excerpt from The Messiah, but Cassie had been cherishing a secret hope of finally impressing Miranda. Though Cassie had a sweet, if somewhat thin, soprano, Miranda’s husky contralto couldn’t hold a note of music. Here at last, Cassie felt, was something at which she excelled over her older sister.

  “At the high school?” Miranda replied, laughing. “Oh, Mother, please! I thought you liked me to see my old friends when I had a chance … and this is supposed to be Raleigh’s party of the year. And besides, Cassie understands … she knows as well as I do what a drag those awful Christmas sings are, don’t you, Cassie?”

  “Sure,” Cassie mumbled, though after that concert her interest in singing waned. All through high school, Cassie searched for something she could do better than the way Miranda had done it. But no matter what she tried—field hockey, the debating team, cheerleading, the drama club—Miranda had done it first and with greater style. And after a cum laude send-off from graduate school, Miranda’s triumphs—now on the far bigger and more important stage of Manhattan—continued unabated: CBS newswriter … assistant producer … general assignment reporter … then the big jump to the Magnum network and a feature reporter slot. Well, everyone knew the story from there. From the evening that Breaking News premiered, the beautiful Miranda Darin had captured the undivided attention—and more often than not the hearts—of America.

  “You’ve just got to stop measuring yourself against Miranda’s yardstick,” Cassie’s mother had told her when Cassie headed into her junior year at Chapel Hill and remained uncertain about her major. During the previous semester, she’d switched from art to political science to biology. “You’ve got to look into yourself—not out at her—and decide what you, Cassie, really want to do with your life.”

  “What I want,” Cassie retorted in a rare moment of honesty about the painful subject, “is to be better than her. No … just as good as her. I’m tired, Mother, I’m sick and tired of being best known as Miranda’s little sister.”

  “That’s your problem, Cassie,” her mother replied. “People see what you show them. You’re letting yourself stay in her shadow … you’re hiding there. Step out of it—find your own patch of light—and believe me, people will start seeing you for who you are.”

  “Sometimes I wonder who that is,” Cassie said.

  “Well, I don’t for a second,” Dorothy replied vehemently. “You’re kind. You’re thoughtful … in a nice dreamy way. You’re a good and loyal friend. And in all of these things, honey, you far outshine Miranda. It worries me that for all her success and fame, Miranda has no real good friends back here. You know, she never did. She only bothered with boys—and I’m afraid that was just to see how many she could dangle at one time. She was always too eager to escape to put any roots down. And you need that, Cassie, you must know—deep in your heart—where you come from if you ever want to get ahead in this world. Now I’m going to shut up. I believe I’ve dispensed enough wisdom for one day.”

  Shortly after that, Cassie had found the strength of mind to take up the one subject that she’d secretly most enjoyed—and yet most feared would show up her shortcomings in terms of Miranda. She majored in Journalism. And in her own careful, thoughtful way she excelled in it. She was not as glib a writer as Miranda. She was not as demanding or probing a reporter. Obviously she was not as successful. And yet she had found her own patch of sunlight as Dorothy had advised her … although sometimes, Cassie had to admit, it did little to comfort or warm.

  Cassie put the photograph back on the table and tur
ned off the light. She pulled the sheets around her and stared up into the dark. Even after four years, her parents’ death felt recent and wrenching. There was a gaping hole in her life. A whole bombed-out section of her heart that refused to mend. The job helped. Kenneth tried to help. But there were moments, like this one, when Cassie felt the best times of her life were behind her. She had never again shared with anyone the closeness, the understanding—just the pure, unthinking affection—that she had with her parents. She’d certainly never felt it with—or from—Miranda. Perhaps that kind of love was just an illusion of childhood, Cassie thought. Something she could never recapture.

  These days it certainly seemed that Cassie’s life was riddled with losses … and Miranda’s, as usual, was just one unbroken line of wins. Cassie ticked them off in her mind as she drifted toward sleep: great looks, brilliant career, handsome and successful husband, pretty daughter … easily manipulated younger sister who willingly drops everything anytime she thought to call.

  Two

  That the Darin residence had once been the home of a Rockefeller relative was a fact that Miranda did nothing to hide. Located on a quiet side street just off Madison Avenue, it was at the very heart of one of the wealthiest square miles of real estate in the world. To the west the town palaces known as “Millionaires’ Row” marched up Fifth Avenue. To the east, the high-rise mansions of Park Avenue formed a muted gray wall of privilege and power. Though not particularly distinguished architecturally—it was constructed of molded limestone, roofed with green copper and slate—the Darin residence quietly “fit in” with the other town houses on its street. And that, Miranda Darin had quickly understood, was the first step to being accepted in the rarefied social stratosphere to which she aspired.